


Familiar

by blackcatspinel



Series: I’ll Love Again [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, Smut, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:54:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24881128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackcatspinel/pseuds/blackcatspinel
Summary: Steven has a nightmare.
Relationships: Spinel/Steven Universe
Series: I’ll Love Again [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1799029
Kudos: 18





	Familiar

**Author's Note:**

> This is an excerpt from my main fic, _I’ll Love Again_ which you can find on my page. I felt this chapter was general enough that it could be a fic of its own. This is totally inspired by _downward spiral_ , an amazing Stevinel fic.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Spinel...” moans Steven as he wipes off the sweat bullets off his face. He huffs, staring at the violent gem under the night sky.

_**“This isn’t a game!”** _

He screams at the top of his lungs, shutting his eyes in fury.

 _Pow!_ Before he knew it, Spinel had punched Steven in the face. “Huh?”

Spinel winded up her arm again, punching him harder, launching his body off the top of the injector.

Steven yells as he slides down, nearly falling to his death. He wipes the blood off his face in fear. Suddenly he hears Spinel come closer, and gasps as he turns around, only to be picked up by her gigantic hand.

“Uh- ah, ah, ah!” yells Steven as he fumbles in her grasp. Spinel straightens her arm to see his pitiful face better.

“Ya know, I came here ta take my anger out on a buncha strangers,” muttered Spinel, gazing fiercely at the hovering Steven as she dangled him in the air. He looks down at all of Beach City and at all of the tiny buildings. 

“But now that I _know_ you, I wanna _kill_ you even more.” Steven pants anxiously, breathing louder and louder. 

Suddenly, Spinel lets go of a finger. Steven’s freaking out. Spinel lets go of another one, and another one.

And another one. Steven yells, as he holds onto his jacket. Steven’s gem is malfunctioning, and it isn’t working.

And another one. _Oh no_.

Spinel lets Steven go, and he falls down and down, thousands of feet in the air, until he hits the ground, cracking his gem. 

He’s dead, his limb body lifeless on the floor. Spinel laughs chaotically, pleased to have won the game— 

Until he wakes up.  
Steven lifts himself up, covered in cold sweat. He wipes some off his forehead. He had just taken a nap in the evening, but now it’s the middle of the night, and he’s fully dressed— jeans and all. 

It was just a dream...

_And she was a monster._

“Who’s a monsta?”  
Huh? Who was that? Steven removes his hand from his face, just to see Spinel lying next to him, innocently looking straight at him.

“Ah!” Steven yells, shielding himself.   
Spinels eyes widen, and she’s confused. She has no idea what he was dreaming about, or why she was suddenly scared of him.

Steven puts his arm down and sighs. He wasn’t gonna hurt her. Not anymore. 

She starts to piece things together.

“Were... were you dreamin’ about me?” she asked.  
Steven hesitated.   
“Y-Yes...” he scratches the back of his head, anxiously.  
“Was it a nightmare about me?” she whispers, looking sad.  
He couldn’t bear to break her heart like this, and remind her of her past self.   
“Yeah... it was. I was dreaming about you and I on top of the injector,” he replies. Spinel winces at the memory, knowing exactly what he’s talking about. “You... tried to kill me.” Spinel can barely breathe.   
“I-I...” says Spinel. “I’m sorry. For trying to kill you.” She looks down on her lap, ashamed.  
“I know you are, Spinel,” he assures her. “I don’t know why I had that dream anyway haha.” he chuckles, trying to lighten the dark mood. “The past is in the past, right?” He extends his hand to shake hers.  
She doesn’t comply.

  
“You’re... you’re never going to love me, are you,” she says as she grits her teeth.

She ruined their relationship, didn’t she. She scared him off. He was never going to look at her the way she wants him to— he’s always going to go back to that horrible, violent memory of her, no matter how much she’s changed. She’s such a fool. Who could ever love someone after all of that?

  
“Spinel...” 

Her face turns pink, and she frowns. _She’s gonna lose him_ , she thinks. She’s gonna lose him to Connie, and she’s going to be all alone again and— and she has to do something! She tries to think of an idea, anything she can do to make him stay— and it hits her.

Spinel starts cackling, reminding Steven of her old self.

“I know exactly what it takes to win your heart, Universe—“ grins Spinel as she stretches her limbs, towering over him. She laughs hysterically as she corners Steven. 

“Wait, what?!” he shouts as he’s pushed against the headboard, injuring his head. Steven looks around the room, trying to find a way out, but he’s completely trapped. Spinel’s breathing down his neck, looking down at him violently. 

“If you won’t love on on your own,” she growls, “I’ll make you love me!” She lunges onto Steven, and starts pulling off his shirt. “Hey, hey!” he yells, trying to push her away. She grips his wrists, and they struggle together.

“Don’t try to resist me, savior of the galaxy!” she cackles. _You wanna play dirty, huh?_ “You won’t be needin’ this anymore—“ she gives up on playing nice with him, knowing he’s resisting her, and rips open his shirt. What the fuck! 

“Just let me show you what I can do, Steven—“ she digs her teeth into his neck, suckling and biting him. “Ah, ah!” moans Steven. “Stop!”

But Spinel has him tied down, and he can’t move. She continues kissing him, marking a trail up his neck and to his cheeks, smothering him. 

“Spinel, hey— we talked about this!” he grunts, trying to break free, but she ignores his demands. She repeatedly kisses Steven, again and again, tasting every bit of him. She finally has him to herself, she thinks, and her pulse is racing in excitement. 

She quickly moves to his lip, smacking hers against his repeatedly, sucking and making a little _pop!_ noise every time they part. Their teeth clash into eachother, and soon Spinel breaks through, her tongue inside his mouth. “Mmm, mh!” moans Steven, his eyes wide open. He grabs her by the shoulders, trying to make space between them, but she just leans closer and closer, overpowering him.

Spinel goes deeper, closing her eyes, licking and massaging her tongue against his as she explores his mouth. He’s completely covered in her saliva, and his face is aggressively pressed onto hers. He’s suffocating. 

Suddenly Spinel lets go, and Steven gasps for air— but Spinel doesn’t stop, and she continues her trail of kisses down his chest and to his stomach. She kisses his tummy, even his rolls, and he covers his face in embarassment.

“Spinel, c-come on,” he begs. He’s practically whimpering at this point, and his face is completely flushed red. He really didn’t expect this— he had just kissed her the other day, and he told her he was still conflicted about his feelings and needed space, but she didn’t listen. 

And once again she ignores him, instead feeling delight at the thought of him suffering, squirming under her touch. She smiles.

“I k-know you love me too, Steven,” she whispers desperately as she moves back. “And I’m gonna make sure a that,” she giggles, staring down at him with determination.

She lets him go, and he’s relieved to be freed, but instead she focuses her attention to his pants. She unbottons them, and her hands fumble at the zipper of his fly as she’s trembling with impatience and desperation.

“Come on, come on!” she urges, trying to spread his legs apart. This is her moment! 

Huh?!

Steven cannot believe she is doing this. He gasps. “Spinel, what—“ Steven remains frozen as he’s in shock, and he can barely move. She shoves his jeans lower to his thighs, exposing his underwear. 

“Spinel, stop—“ he regains movement as he realizes the urgency of this situation— he thinks this is the perfect position to kick her, but can’t bring himself to hurt her. “I just want to play!” she cries in desperation. _She’s so, so lonely._

Instead, he pushes her away.

_**“Spinel, this isn’t a game!”** _

He shouts louder than before— and the word _game_ echoes across the house, shaking the building as if there’s a small earthquake. Steven glows a bright, bright pink, and his cotton-candy hair puffs up.

 _Oh no_. 

A shiver runs down Spinel’s spine, and she freezes. That phrase sounds familiar.

 _He looks... just like her,_ Spinel notes.

She surrenders, and scoots farther back, giving him space again.

Steven closes his eyes and tilts his head back, relieved that it’s over. _Finally._ He wipes the saliva off his face, and returns to his former skin color. This was getting ridiculous. 

Spinel just stares at nothing, dumbfounded. She can’t believe she just did that. 

And she can’t believe she failed to seduce him. After so much effort.

She looks up at Steven, and he’s pissed off. He doesn’t even look at her; instead he just stares to the side instead, trying to organize his thoughts. 

_Nonononono, wait! I can fix this! I can make it better!_

She tries to lean closer to hug him, in attempts to fix this mess and make it up to him somehow, but he pushes her off. “Spinel,” he says sternly. She flinches, and immediately moves back. She fucked up, and she knows it. 

She miscalculated, and she underestimated Steven.

“I-I t-thought that’s what teenage boys liked, I—“ she starts whimpering, choking on her shorted breaths. She’s having an anxiety attack, and she’s hyperventilating. She had set up this whole plan, thinking she was going to make him finally love her, and, and—

He looks at her, and he’s absolutely disgusted. He can’t believe she’s stooped this low. Is that all she sees him as? Some sexual playmate? Spinel notices his face— he’s never looked at her that way before— and as he looks back at her she starts to tear up for the hundredth time. Absolutely pathetic.

Steven really, really wants to slap her right now. 

And he does. 

Steven raises his hand and slams his palm against Spinel’s face, so hard the noise sounds like a pop. He flinches a little, closing his eyes, knowing he’s never hit someone like that before. He really didn’t want to hurt Spinel, but he has to get her to snap out of all these... delusions. He doesn’t even look mad anymore, instead seeming completely emotionless and drained. He’s just so, so, sick and tired of this.

Spinel’s face is tilted to the side, and she barely reacts. She just looks dazed— unable to believe he did that. She brings her hand to her cheek. _Ah, it stings._ Steven opens his eyes, and his eyebrows are twitching.

“Stop crying, Spinel. You can’t manipulate me again.” 

He saw right through her.

Spinel’s face is deep pink, and she’s shaking. She can’t bear to look at Steven’s face, knowing he must be angrier than before. _He never resolves problems with violence_ , he thinks. _He’s definitely going to leave her now, just like his mother did._

She rubs her rashed, burned face and wipes her tears.

She deserved that. 

“You can do it again, if you want,” she murmurs. Steven rolls his eyes. _No, Spinel, I’m not going to slap you again_ , he thinks. 

“M’ s-sorry,” whimpers Spinel. “I’m sorry. I won’t do that no more, I p-promise,” she tells him in between hiccups. Steven sighs and looks at her with disappointment. His stomach suddenly sinks. 

This feels familiar.

 _Really_ familiar.

Like someone he used to be, and something he used to do.

No.

Like someone **_she_** used to be and something **_she_** used to do.

Spinel... really is completely dependant on Steven, isn’t she. Just how she depended on Pink.

She’s reliving her past trauma, but this time with her abuser’s son, _six thousand_ years in the future. He chuckles to himself. _Oh, the irony._

He finally understands how his mother felt to be with Spinel.

 _You really are a monster_ , he thinks to himself. He wants to tell her this, call her out on all her mistakes and wrongdoings, but he keeps quiet to avoid triggering her again.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry— I just wanted you to l-love me,” mumbles Spinel, looking down in shame again. At this point, she’s lost her voice. 

Steven really doesn’t know what to say to her at this point. First she tried to erase his friends’ memories, then she tried to destroy Beach City, then she tried to destroy the planet, then she tried to kill him, and then she tried to kill Connie, and—

And now she’s fallen for him and wants him to love her, and have sex with her? What? He doesn’t understand. Her feelings and the motives behind her actions are too complex for him.

This... wasn’t healthy. It never was in the first place, but still. It’s gotten so, so, so much worse. At this point it’s out of his control. He should have _never_ kissed her, or let her sit on his lap, or let her sleep with him on the bed. He questions if he should have even let her in when she practically came knocking at his door. It was getting too far, and she was clearly becoming obsessive.

“Are you going to abandon me now?” she finally says, in between sniffles. He had been waiting for her to ask that, knowing how manipulative she is. This was so predictable, and he wants to cut this off so bad.

Steven’s stomach curls, and he’s overwhelmed with guilt. _This feels like a nightmare_ , he thinks. He can’t leave her like Pink did. He knows how lonely she is, and how much she’s suffered, and how much she needs him. He can’t make the same error.

But he’s also _exhausted_.

He also knows she’s going to try and kill him and his friends again if he does— she’s like a ticking time bomb at the this point. 

He can’t help but feel that her old, murderous self is still in there.

Spinel stares at him anxiously, anticipating his response.

Steven takes a deep breath.  
“No, Spinel. I’m not.”


End file.
